I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
