I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
