Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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