I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
