there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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