OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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