i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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