Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
