To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
