First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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