I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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