if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
