don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize