omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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