So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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