You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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