K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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