no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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