Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
