And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize