Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
