so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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