dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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