I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she told me i tasted like america
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
