Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
