It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize