Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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