Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
