Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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