come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
