It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
