Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
