It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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