New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
