just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
