I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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