Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
