shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
