Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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