The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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