Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
