is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
