There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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