Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
