Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
