some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
