i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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