the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize