I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
