the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
