I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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