Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
