maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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