i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize