In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Rumble strips road head = magical
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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