Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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