I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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