How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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