My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
