he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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