wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
