hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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