when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
