I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
