you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
