there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
