Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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