There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
