They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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