i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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