Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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