She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize