quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
