I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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