Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
