You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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